The Scotsman
by Evil Lil' Katbird
Summary: Dunkie gets a little drunk and is found by two Scoobies, to the tune of an Arrogant Worms song.


Okay, I been doin' lots of short, nonsense fics for a while, but it's helping me get back into the habit of writing again. So, y'know, if you like 'em, fine, if not, that's okay too. It's FREE after all. =P

Disclaimer: Duncan, Methos, ect. belong to Panzer Davis - Buffy and anyone mentioned in the Buffy/Angelverse belong to Woss, er, Joss - the song, which shares its title with this fic, belongs to the ever pleasing Arrogant Worms. (Cuz, y'know, all they got is trees and rocks and rocks and trees and trees and rocks... and waterrrrrr)

"**The Scotsman**"

_Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair_

_One could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share_

Duncan couldn't remember the last time he'd been so drunk- no, there was that one time in Prauge... He shook his head to clear it, then, barely missing a lamp-post, he made his way down the cobblestone road. Methos had talked him into it, and the older Immortal had also been the one cheering him on.

_He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet_

_Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street_

_Ring-ding-diddle-la-dio, Ring-ding-dila-aye-oh_

_He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street_

_Serves me right_, he thought grudgingly,_ going out to drink with Methos is a surefire guarantee to get drunk into next-_

He slammed hard into a telephone pole's grounding, and with one last step, fell face-first into the soft earth.

_About that time, two young and lovely girls just happened by_

_One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye,_

_See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong and handsome build -_

_I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneith the kilt_

_Ring-ding-diddle-la-dio, Ring-ding-dila-aye-oh_

_I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneith the kilt_

Buffy was barely able to hold herself upright, she was laughing so hard. "And Oz just... stood there?!"

"Well..." The young Wiccan turned a light shade of red, "He really couldn't do much, I mean, he _was_ chained up."

"I really need to chain Angel up sometime. I mean, y'know, when he's _not_ homecidal," she thought for a moment, "how do you think a vampire'd react to-"

They both stopped when they heard something in the grass up ahead. It was loud, unrelenting, it sounded like-

"Snoring?"

Both girls looked at eachother, then ran to the source. There, in the dirt, was a handsome man of about thirty, and he was wearing full Scot dress.

Another quick glance, and then an evil smile spread on the blonde's face.

_They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be,_

_Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see_

_And there, behold, for them to view, beneith his Scotish skirt,_

_Was nothing more than God had graced him with apon his birth_

_Ring-ding-diddle-la-dio, Ring-ding-dila-aye-oh_

_Was nothing more than God had graced him with apon his birth_

"Buffy, no! This isn't, I mean..."

"He's sleeping. Besides-"

"What will Angel say?"

"Who said he has to know?"

Willow frowned, but handed Buffy a stick. "Well," the witch prodded, "go for it."

"HOLY-"

_They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone_

_Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along_

_As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow_

_Around the bonny star the Celt's kilt did lift and show_

_Ring-ding-diddle-la-dio, Ring-ding-dila-aye-oh_

_Around the bonny star the Celt's kilt did lift and show_

"So..."

"So..." Willow hit her Indigo and 'eep'ed. She turned it so that Buffy could see the tiny numbers.

"Spoil my fun." Her forehead creased in thought, then, with all the joyous stupidity that an idea brings, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a long blue ribbon.

"You're not gonna-"

"Wills! I want him to remember us when he wakes up..."

"We are _so_ gonna get killed for this."

"Shush!"

_Now, the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees_

_Behind the bush, he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees_

Ducan's eyes flew open at the sudden realization - he needed to pee. Badly.

Clambering up, he slowly began to make his way to a nearby patch of trees. God, how long had he been out? It was nearly daylight.

He almost jumped into the cover of foilage. Then, very hastily, he raised his kilt.

_And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes,_

_Oh, lad I dunno where ye' been, but I see ya' won first prize_

_Ring-ding-diddle-la-dio, Ring-ding-dila-aye-oh_

_Oh, lad I dunno where ye' been, but I see ya' won first prize..._

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

the end


End file.
